In these days of telegraphs and steam, many important inventions and improvements in every branch of trade are being made, and he who don’t consult the newspapers will soon find himself and his business left out in the cold.
P.T. Barnum, 1870
This was written 150 years ago and still applies today.
Change “telegraphs and steam” and put “internet and cheap planes”.
The evolutionary drive that makes societies go forward is always linked with the cost of transport– of people, merchandise and information.
We live in amazing times. We are able to do amazing things that our grandparents (even our parents) never dreamed of.
However, an invisible barrier separates the Youth from their goals.
Just like our ancestors didn’t have Ryanair, Airbnb or Social Media, they had something many young Westerners lack:
SKIN IN THE GAME
It took me years (maybe too many) to figure this out. It strikes me as evident that life was harder as little as 50 years ago. Work was required for you to achieve your goals, and if you failed, there would be dire consequences: public failure, bankruptcy, social shaming.
Nowadays, failure is praised. Furthermore, nothing happens if you “do nothing”. I may be a little biased because I always was a rich kid. Let me put it another way: I
t is possible to live a “comfortable life” without risking too much or doing too much, and it will be OK.
Because there is a safe way out of achieving your goals, it’s easy to fall back and “chill, man”. You won’t starve, you won’t suffer, you’ll be OK.
In some way, this is the first enemy of big endeavors of the past. Let me link this with another concept:
Ambition killers is anything that gives you solace and relaxation when you should be working. It’s a very well camouflaged barrier between you and your goals, and should therefore ideally be removed mercilessly if you want to strive.
AMBITION KILLERS FROM THE PAST: Gambling, whoring and drinking.
You needed money for the three of them, and they had one good thing: you cannot linger in these temptations for long, for money runs out, and so does your attractiveness for women, your budget for poker and your wine.
CURRENT AMBITION KILLERS: Video games, social media, Netflix (extra: instant messaging, porn)
Videogames: they are just too many video games to not play at least one of them. “It’s art”. Art that keeps you stuck to a screen for hours. Some video games even reach the “cult” status and are revered by the Men of our generation. Age of Empires anyone? Others poison your mind by making very bad ideas look attractive. Call of Duty anyone? Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
Social Media: how many Men are glued to their portable devices due to Instagram, Twitters and the like. Let me tell you something you already know: a Man does not take selfies. These platforms MAY* be interesting from a reaching audience, business point of view, but still are used to have a glance at other peoples lives, or worse, to portray a version of ourself that we think is attractive. The “news feed” is poison for the mind. Stupid Youtube videos are poison for the mind. I always kept social media very in check, so fortunately this is not one of my sins. But read on, for I have many others…
TV SERIES: Game of Thrones, Vikings, The Walking Dead, but also The Simpsons, The Big Ban Theory… So much high quality content is being uploaded everyday. It’s art. You could spend a whole day watching chapter after chapter of The Soprano and not notice the passage of time. Series where used to make kids stick to the TV in the living room while parents did other stuff. Don’t be a kid. Don’t watch series. Use this time to be productive by boxing, going to the gym, working on your business or dating women.
People say these AMBITION KILLERS are “leisure”, because too much work is not good, and because “chill, man, you only have one life”. I say that’s exactly why I don’t chill.
If your balls are big enough, remove these AMBITION KILLERS from your life and use the time that will magically pop out in your life to pursue worthy goals. To plan and execute your will to become a better, more powerful Man.
What is an appropriate “leisure time” for you, you wonder?
Let me list some of the things I do for leisure:
Trips in the nature.
Sailing/open sea swimming.
Moderate wine drinking with friends (also some wild nights out).
Eating in restaurants.
Theatre (not movies) or spectacles like opera, anything that makes you leave the house and socialize.
You get the point. Manly stuff. Real stuff. No screens involved.
Remove Ambitions Killers from your life like you remove dust from your cloak. Be a man of focus, intent and sheer will, and reap the benefits of an interesting, productive and healthy life live with purpose. You owe this to your ancestors. We all do.
Extra AMBITION KILLERS:
Instant Messaging: call it what’sapp, telegram or any son of a goat personal information gatherer in the market. NOTHING IS FOR FREE. App developers do their work for a reason. If Instant Messaging is free for you, there are other ways they are getting their revenue from. This is normal, but marketers did a good job making us think information transferred through hotmail, Skype or Wechat would be confidential. As a general rule, anything you post, send or write on the internet can be used against you, sooner or later in one way or another. A Man should not forget that.
Porn: go out in the street and chase women. Talk to them, get rejected, learn, then go again. If you find yourself jerking off to a screen, you have a problem that is twofold:
First, you are depleting your energy reserves. There is a reason you feel asleep after sex: sperm is pure energy. It’s pure power. The whole sex act is a metaphor of the women depleting you of your will and energy so you stay longer. And it’s beautiful. Here’s my take on it: save your sperm for women who deserve it. Don’t masturbate to internet porn.
Secondly, you are training your body to a three minutes session of sitting while wanking to strange predetermined scenes. That is not what sex looks like in most cases. Sex is a wild exchange of fluids, shit, piss, blood and sweat. Real sex is not safe. Real sex turns us into animals. That’s the sex you want to enjoy, not the artificial porn stuff. Put otherwise, your penis will not work so good if you want to internet porn, for your brain will be fogged, your expectations altered and your body misused.
Now shut down your computer, turn all the screens off and go do something manly.
*The correlation between a high number of social media following and a successful business has not been demonstrated to this day. That means many traditional businesses lack social media presence and yet make money and thrive.
I was about to leave the house for another walk with my dog when I noticed 4 empty Spanish wine bottles on my kitchen counter.
My mind wandered back to last week, and I revived vividly how each of them was emptied:
The first one, with a cute northern girl in one of my favorite restaurants. We didn’t finish it so I took both of them home. Then we danced, we laughed, we had sex. It was a good fun night in the streets of Madrid. I made her live an amazing experience while enjoying myself, and that’s one of the things I love the most about this game.
The other white wine bottle was drank by two french girls I instantly dated one night while walking my dog in the park. We had a good laugh, went to a little terrace by my place and bounced back home. It was close. We met again a couple days ago and it was closer, kissing and touching on the sofa. Maybe next time, maybe never. In game, you can only play your cards and let the chips fall where they may. No second guessing, no remorse.
One of the Rioja bottles I drank by myself, little by little, a glass or two with most meals. Because Malbec, Syrah, Chardonnay, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon are for losers when Tempranillo, Garnacha, Bobal o Monastrell are available. Learn about your poison and if you are going to drink, do it well.
The last bottle I drank with a woman I really appreciated. She was a bit reckless. A woman who had principles, but allowed me to bend them from time to time. A good old friend who came and went in waves, depending on which men promised her monogamy. A woman I understood: I never made it hard for her to leave or come back. A woman I had to gently kick out of my house when she started one of her few drama outbursts. I brushed it off as no big deal at first, but she kept going. I don’t do drama. Stick to your core values and wipe people who try to talk you out of them off like they are dust. Even when “people” means a hot girl you could fuck anytime with many other great character traits and a fun vibe. Sometimes you can’t flinch. Sometimes you have to be stone cold.
I looked at these bottles and realized my kitchen counter was full. So many good, intense memories in such a short time. It makes you feel like you are LIVING LIFE INTENSELY. You also get used to it and start having strange thoughts like: “Did I kiss any new girl this week?”. It’s amazing to live as a Man.
I looked at these bottles, put them in a bag and threw them into the glass waste disposal thing. You have to empty your kitchen counter if you want more empty bottles to fit on it. No second guessing, no remorse.
“So, when crossing the street, you should wait for the pedestrian lights to be green, shouldn’t you?”
“Of course, you should.”
I felt like socrates talking to his young disciples. Only I was on the street, on a windy summer day, walking with a girl, and not in the gym watching young oily boys exercise.
“Meaning, you are looking for an external source-the green lights- to enable, or precede, your next action. That is, crossing the road.”
“Well, let me tell you green lights are not what you should look for before crossing the street.”
“What do you mean? Of course, if the green lights are on, it’s safe for me to cross the road, and since it’s my goal, I shall do it.”
“Young Plato, the only thing you should be looking for when crossing the roads is cars.”
“But Master! Green lights mean cars will not drive by!”
“Not always. Have you ever experienced green lights being on for pedestrians and cars not stopping?”
“Sometimes, yes, it’s the custom in some less developped countries.”
“Then can we then agree that, in order to preserve our physical security while crossing the road, we should consider all the cases when lights were green for walkers and cars were crossing nevertheless?”
“We shall, because physical security is important for our well being and over all happiness.”
“Of course. You say green lights mean cars will not drive by. Do you know what else signals the absence of cars?”
“The absence of cars! Therefore, instead of looking for a signal to cross the road, you should look for a lack of life threatening danger before crossing the road. In other words, cross the road if nothing will kill you while you do so, and forget the damm green lights.”
Approaching a walking woman is like crossing the road.
Don’t look for a signal to do it. Look for a signal that you may get killed or hurt if you do. If none of these signals are present (99%), do the approach.
There are game concepts in greek philosophy, mind you.
“And I’ll go by train with some friends, stay there for one night and then maybe we’ll go to a little music festival…”
My mind rushes with explanations, excuses, accusations, and demands. It’s one of my MLTR, but it doesn’t matter. The fact that she’s traveling with friends is almost painful. Who is she going with? Where will she stay? Questions pop up in my head. Questions aimed at assessing the chances of her fucking someone else (yes, it’s a hard harem). Questions I never make, for three reasons:
It’s an attraction killer
Answer doesn’t really matter
She could say anything to reassure me
Answer doesn’t really matter. To my experience, sex can happen anywhere. She could travel with her parents and little brother and end up fucking the tour guide (like I did many years ago), or she could go to Ibiza with all her girlfriends on a hen party and stay faithful.
This is a fact and can be applied to 99% women. It’s up to you to decide how to feel about it.
But that’s not the root issue.
You are thinking your MLTR could fuck someone else, or put herself in the position to do so.
It’s a classic of Harem Management. You feel the sting of jealousy and insecurity.
What do you do? How to walk out of this without losing value? And perhaps most importantly, how to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
How fucked up I am. Luckily for you, I came up with a way to approach this situation systematically without getting into your head and/or doing something that makes her consider other romantic options. Remember, there are always wolves lurking beyond the bonfire range (if some english native has a better way to express that, I’m all ears). Luckily, if she’s fucking you only, all those wolves are weaker or have better things to do.
So, what to do when she tells you *anything* that makes you think she could HS someone else?
Harem Management for Advanced Players
If it’s a soft harem, she can and probably will fuck other guys. Deal with it.
But maybe you feel a deeper connection with this girl and fear that she’ll connect in the same way with someone else.
There is a set of tools you can use for avoiding that (like preventing her from doing the plan by suggesting something cooler and taking her with you), but they are short term and all come from the wrong frame.
Since this blog is about pure gold advice, I will tell you the only honorable and manly way out of this:
Be a better Man than her prospects.
It’s that simple and that complicated. You probably won’t be the best Man on Earth, but you can be the best she has access to. Note: if you think I mean better as in nicer, or better for society, you are in the wrong blog.
It’s also a good solution because it’s internal and mostly depends on you and you only. She will interact, and assess many men over her years, so just be better to increase your chances of her staying around.
Don’t open yourself about this
Act as if it’s no big deal
Don’t ask questions afterwards
Don’t try to “change her” over time so she stays at home. Give her wings, always.
Decide if it’s worth going though that emotional pain in order to be with her
If it’s a hard harem you are running, congratulations my friend. You are in for a crazy ride, although you probably know that already.
The way I look at it is this: that sting of jealousy and insecurity you feel when this happens is the price you pay.
You already are at the top of the pyramid. It doesn’t get any better. But for true hard harem you pay a price.
It’s the same price any other guy (every man thinks “damm, she might fuck someone else” sooner or later, specially monogamous guys). We just deal with it better.
She may cheat on you and fuck someone else. Fear not. That’s her problem.
Your problem is to keep her attracted and engaged in the relationship in the long run.
This is way harder. Worry about this instead.
Here is what I did when my girl unexpectedly told me she was going on a trip with “friends” I didn’t know:
Take it as a nuclear shit test
Don’t react or express my concerns
Managing my emotions and brushing them off (“it’s the price you pay”, “there’s no cooler guy than me, so even if she fucks someone else and keeps it secret, she’ll still be mine”)
Understand her adventurous part is one of the reasons I love her, so I won’t try to change her or shame her into being boring so she can be mine (creepy, but many men do)
HS and get affection from other girls
Write this article (writing IS healing)
Next time I’m with her, tell her a massive DHV story make sure she remembers why she’s with me (by creating situations where you can display higher value) and fuck her like there’s no tomorrow.
Next time we talk, collect some extra info (hopefully reassuring) in a fun, relaxed way
Go to the gym
I know what you are thinking. If she sees it as “normal”, she’ll do it more often. Yes, she will. And you’ll feel that sting again. And you won’t like it.
It’s your decision to assess how many times she’s worth going through the above process and the negative emotions. Just don’t think any other type of relationship is free from them.
As I wrote before, is she ends up HS someone else, it’s her problem. And if she makes it you problem by telling you, it’s another story for another post.
This is a shortcut that will spare you a couple paranoias and a lot of mindwanking. Just follow the bullet points and trust the process.
Note: MLTR = Multiple Long Term Relationships, HS = Have Sex (used instead of “fuck”)
I have a limited sex drive. It’s high, if there are any standards about it, but it’s limited.
You do, too.
We like to think we could be fucking young hot new girls forever.
But we can’t.
There is always a point where the marginal gains are too little and it’s simply not worth the effort. So your attention and energy shifts towards something else. Like cool projects, or writing.
The key is knowing where that point is, for you.
You have a limited sex drive. Accept it.
Because that’s a point you want to get to, asap, so you can be productive in other areas. A kind of prioritizing women so you don’t have to.
What I’m trying to say, and I risk getting too meta-weaseling here, is that one of the reasons I don’t daygame more is I’m successful at it.
The first proper set I did in Paris, I HS her a few days later. The girl who checked me in my first night in Paris, I HS her three weeks later. Girls I HS before from neighboring countries visit constantly (3 in the last 30 days, 2 of them at the same time) and I also HS all of them. I went back home for two days and I HS my girl there.
That’s 6 different girls in about 40 days. HS them at least a few times each.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m glad we changed this word for a more refined HS.
How do I then get the motivation to go out and approach? Easy. I don’t.
I still feel the sting when I see a really hot girl walking by, but I can’t be arsed to approach. There’s no fire in my belly. I lost my mojo, as Tom Torero puts it.
I don’t feel abundant in the traditional sense of the word. For a strange reason, now I’m HS like an animal, I feel more caring about my girlfriends. I even increased the communication frequency.
This is weird. Normally, when you’re on a HS spree, you don’t have time to think much about any girl in particular. You are too busy riding the wave. But I just find myself now both HS like it was my job (i.e. a lot and with lots of different girls) and looking for reassurance with my current girlfriends.
I know this situation won’t last forever, but after managing quite successfully a hard harem, HS women I hadn’t seen in a year + HS women from daygame all in the same month I’m really wondering what the next stage is. What is the next level? What is the next goal?
The Kazaj girl I opened on the bus from Brno was happy with remaining a virgin until he found “the one”. We casually had the seat next to each other and I had opened her first at the pier. Sometimes the Gods give you a hint. I tried to leverage her emotions first (she was attracted). It got me nowhere besides some laughing, mild kino and even milder banter. I gave up.
We still had a couple of hours ahead, so in one last attempt (I’m unable to ever fully give up and it’s taken me far) told her The Chocolate Gambit:
“Maira, do you like chocolate? Of course you do. If chocolate had any proteins it’s the only thing I would eat. Ok, imagine you never tried chocolate. You know the concept because all your friends tell you it’s amazing, you’ve seen it in movies, you feel like trying some when you pass a chocolate shop, but you’ve never actually tried it. You go to the shops every day and read the labels, ask the shop assistants on every little detail: what is the flavor, the texture… You even take some chocolate to feel it in your hand. But you don’t eat it yet. Finally, in a little secret shop you find this really attractive Spanish chocolate that you desire. It takes you days to make up your mind, but one day, you want it so bad you decide to go buy yourself that specific chocolate.
God, it’s delicious. And fun to eat! At first it was a bit sour, but then you realize swallowing chocolate makes you feel really good and happy as a woman. It’s like something inside of you is awaken now, always wanting chocolate. It will never be the same as prior to tasting the Spanish chocolate.
And there are so many different kinds of chocolate in the shop! All shapes and flavors. You can’t wait to try them all.
Now imagine the shop owner who sold you the chocolate comes and says: “I’m glad you enjoyed the chocolate, because you can only eat this chocolate for the rest of your life.”
How do you react to that? How do you know this was the best choice you could’ve made if you didn’t compare? You think life sucks. You will respect the rules and never try another chocolate maybe, but you’ll always regret it, and deep down, a growing resentment will turn you over the years into a bitter old and wrinkled woman.
That is, before deciding what will be your main, maybe only chocolate for the rest of your days, try different ones instead. Get used to different shapes, flavors and feelings. Then choose the one that you think makes you happier and enjoy chocolate, because that’s what life is about.”
She stayed silent for a bit, looking at me with her little beautiful middle asian eyes. She got the message. Then, she said calmly:
“If I never try other chocolates, I will never judge or compare my chocolate. With time and patience, I will learn how to love it more than anything.”
My first thought was: boy, you’re not fucking her tonight. Of course I wasn’t. But then I realized I had no way to counter that. Of course, you can also leverage the “be adventurous, life is short message”, but for that girl at that moment there really was no way out. It just made no sense.
This got me thinking. A lot, actually. It happened more than a year ago.
It’s true: many traditional societies count on women being virgins until marriage and sticking with one man and one dick for all her good years. So far so good.
What if the reason the ancients enforce this law since the dawn of civilization is because they are aware of The Principle?
The Principle that the more partners a woman has, the less satisfied she will be, psychologically and physically, with any of them.
The more sexual partners a woman has, the less satisfied she will be, psychologically and physically, with any of them.
This is the Choice Paradox adapted to women: the more options you consider, the more buyer’s remorse.
Now, I’ve made 20+ (girls who had fucked more than 20 guys) girls fall in love and come. (Have I? And have you?) My currents girls are at least 5,6+, maybe 15top (with the gentlemen’s slack given).
Still, I have no doubt there is wisdom and truth here. I mean, look at the divorce rates in WESTERN SOCIETIES.
Think about it for the perspective of a woman. What’s the difference between imagining through movies or romantic novels how amazing having a lover would be and actually remembering how she got magnificently pounded by a Brazilian hung capoeira dancer or a Colombian salsa instructor?
She can probably play it cool and still be happy marrying Average Joe after that, but there will always be a little something inside of her saying: he fucked better than your husband! And you bet he did. He probably had a bigger dick too. And he reeked testosterone. He took her on a few days adventure in an exotic place, fucked her unprotected in every way like there was no tomorrow, treated her with abundance and masculinity and then never called her again. All of these items in a woman’s mind only feed the myth: with time, she will feel like she’s missing something, specially if you compare that adventure with her everyday’s life, which probably has little adventurous to it.
Let’s face it, once we settle down and live with a girl, we lose a lot of attractiveness. We’re not wild, abundant and free anymore, and that’s-make no mistake about it- one of the reasons they fell for us in the first place. Is it really the cycle of life?
Don’t think all her partners were like that. There were also boring guys, creepy guys, jealous and needy guys, guys who could not fuck her properly and guys who could not make her feel what you make her feel. There’s a reason she’s with you. But she will never forget her summer in Ibiza when she was 22, at the peak of her beauty, and you married her when she was 28+.
Now normally I’m on the lover side, and I belong to the 0,5% (probably even less) so I couldn’t worry less about this. But since I’m getting older and I won’t be this sharp forever (and let’s face it, I’ve found gold) I’m perfecting my hunt to harem material mode: I want 3 to 4 devoted girlfriends, and I want to fuck them all at the same time and have them under the same roof. I also want to take care of them.
So it can be done, and beta versions of this have been tried. Read my post about end game to learn more about this.
So how does all of this apply to you?
Your main girl, bottom bitch, or spinning plate, what’s her notch count?
What are your plans with her? Because if you want to promote her to LT, you really should make sure it’s low. Don’t promote girls out of scarcity mindset or out of desperation. The moment you feel you need her with her not deserving it, she does feel that too. While it can be romantic and she can “like that”, it’s the beginning of the end of the attraction curve. Get back on your feet, snatch back the frame or you will lose her along with your masculinity.
You should always screen for low notches girls for long term harem material (and basically virgins for long term monogamous relationships).
Approach and approach and meet girls with low notches, and even if it takes longer to fuck them, chose them over slutty Jane for LT material.
PS: a few months later, despite 0 investment from my part (forgot about her), she texted me when she was in my country on holidays. I didn’t meet her because I was busy, but we’ll never know what could have happened, and that’s the mystery of the game.